There’s a popular perception that domestic abusers target partners that they perceive as “weak.” There’s some logic in that idea since abusers generally only feel confident and strong when they have control over someone else.
However, most abusers don’t target people they see as vulnerable in the first place. There’s nothing to be gained from it. Instead, abusers go after the people you might least expect to end up the victims of domestic violence: the beautiful, the confident, the strong.
Why does it work out that way? Basically, gaining control over someone who is already vulnerable and highly susceptible to manipulation doesn’t make the abusive person feel powerful in any way. Like anyone else, they’re attracted to someone because of that person’s good qualities. Then, however, they seek to tear that person down over time. In part, abusers enjoy the challenge of gaining control over someone who is vibrant and strong.
Ultimately, what’s likely to make you a target for abuse is that you are, simply put, a very nice person. People who have a lot of empathy for others and who tend to be kind are the most common victims of abuse — because their natural personality traits make them inclined to excuse the troubling behavior their abusers exhibit for far too long.
Abusers know how to turn their victim’s empathy and kindness into a weapon. In fact, many abusers rely on those traits in order to manipulate their victims into staying when they first move past the “love bombing” stage (where they try to convince the victim how special their relationship is) and into a more stereotypical pattern of abuse.
If you find yourself caught in a web of psychological abuse and domestic violence, recognize that you did nothing wrong. You simply had the misfortune of attracting an abusive individual’s attention. Now, it’s time to free yourself.
Talk to an attorney in our office today about obtaining an order of protection in order to gain control over your future.