Divorce isn't easy, but studies reveal that men seem to have a much harder time coping with the aftermath of divorce than women do. If you're a man who is approaching a divorce, here's what you should know about taking care of your physical and mental health in the future.
Why is divorce harder on men?
If you and your child's other parent are getting a divorce, you naturally expect the other parent to pay a fair share of your child's basic expenses -- such as food, shelter and clothing. After all, that is the purpose of child support.
But your expenses for your child don't stop there. There are a lot of expenses that the parent with primary custody often has to manage -- and child support should be negotiated with that in mind. Depending on your child's age, interests and abilities, here are some of the things your child may need beyond the absolute basics:
When a marital split is on the horizon, you know that putting a precise value on the family business is going to be crucial to a fair outcome. However, you may not know where to start.
Guessing is a bad idea -- even if you and your spouse can agree on a figure. A wrong guess can permanently put one of you at a major financial disadvantage. You're most likely going to need some professional help from a business valuator or accountant to come up with an accurate valuation. Before the process starts, however, you need to decide which method of valuation you and your spouse will use.
Once your divorce is final, you'll have a detailed agreement or court order that outlines how every aspect of your split gets handled -- from taxes to child custody and everything in between.
But what about before the divorce is finished? Life doesn't stop -- or even slow down -- just because you and your spouse have agreed to split. You need some kind of guidance on how to handle important issues during the months (or years) leading up to the final agreement.
Substance abuse and domestic violence are often linked together. Drugs and alcohol can serve to incite fights and lower someone's impulse control. It's just recently, however, that researchers have started to realize that drugs and alcohol are also weapons that get used inside many violent and coercive relationships.
It's a practice that's known as substance use coercion or "forced drug abuse" (although alcohol can also be involved). In studies, 60% of domestic violence victims who eventually looked for substance abuse treatment reported interference from their spouses and partners as they tried to get clean. Many victims also report being forced to use drugs by their abusers.
If your spouse has strong ties to another country, you may worry that he or she will disappear with your children in tow to some far-off land where you will never see them again.
It's a reasonable fear. When a marital relationship breaks down, strong feelings about the future of the children from the relationship often surface. If you're afraid that your spouse will abduct the children overseas, here are some practical things you need to discuss with your attorney.
The Christmas season is upon us again, which means that most people will be spending much more than normal -- especially on gifts for the kids. But don't make the mistake of thinking that your gifts are an adequate substitution for your usual support payments.
Child support is designed to benefit the child by providing adequate money to help the custodial parent pay for essentials like food, shelter and clothing. The amount of support you have to pay is calculated according to your income, the other parent's income and the percentage of time each of you spends with the child. No matter how well-intentioned (or even badly needed) your gifts may be, they aren't substitutions for your regular support payments because all those other essential needs still have to be met.
With all the other stress you're under during a divorce, your finances can quickly become the biggest stressor in your life once you realize how costly divorce can be. Experts say that the average divorce in 2019 costs each spouse about $15,000. That's a lot to handle on top of all your other expenses.
The good news is that you and your spouse can control your own costs by being proactive and committing to working together to end your marriage as peacefully as possible. Here are some tips:
Are you absolutely dreading facing your extended family members this Thanksgiving because of your contentious divorce? Coping with the disruption and trauma of divorce is always difficult, but it can be particularly hard to handle when relatives (well-meaning or not) insert themselves into your situation in an unwelcome way.
For your own sanity and your children's peace of mind, you need to establish a few boundary rules with your family members -- before Thanksgiving arrives. Here are the things everybody needs to keep in mind:
During a divorce, there's no time for secrets about money and resources. All of those things need to be sorted by owner, and joint assets must be divided. You know the rules. Your spouse knows the rules.
But what if someone decides to cheat a little -- or a lot? What happens if you hide a secret savings account from your spouse, but your spouse tracks it down? What happens if your spouse tries to keep money from the family business out of the marital split and gets caught?
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