When someone is in an abusive relationship, they just want it to stop. But, when there is still love, the abuse victim may not actually want to leave, which may lead them to threaten divorce in the hopes that it will shock the abuser back to normality. Unfortunately, that rarely, if ever, works, but it will give the abuser a heads up to make leaving much, much harder. This knowledge could, in turn, actually ramp up the abuse as the abuser now knows you cannot easily leave.
They can change, right?
To give you an idea of how unlikely it is that your spouse will ever change, over 90% of abuse victims report ongoing abuse for years or decades after they leave their abusers. If the vast majority never stops, even after the relationship ends, it is highly unlikely that they will ever stop during your Riverside, California, relationship.
This is important because you need to get to the point where you can plan your escape. It needs to be deliberate, planned and intentional.
If you are the victim of physical and common domestic violence, your escape plan will need to be more immediate and include a protective order. You will likely need an attorney to help plan this, but through the courts, you can force your abuser out of your life and the lives of your children and family. But, it is a legal process.
If your spouse has already taken over 100% of the finances to the point where you do not have access to any money, your economic freedom as already been taken. If not, know that the moment your abuser knows you want to leave, they will cut off access to as many accounts as possible, including liquidating bank and retirement accounts. You may need to open separate accounts, take them off of accounts that are not used routinely and freeze your credit.
Why do I need to freeze my credit?
Another very common form of economic abuse is destroying your credit profile and score. This is done by taking out multiple credit cards and opening new loans.
Your good Riverside, California, credit allows you the ability to take out new credit cards to pay for living expenses, get a new place (even if it is just a hotel) and get a job. A bad credit profile or score can make leaving a lot harder without the kindness of friends or family willing to take you in and care for you until the court can work out the finances.