How do you discuss a prenuptial agreement with your intended without setting off a bunch of emotional fireworks?
It isn’t an easy subject to discuss. Nobody wants to consider the possibility of a marriage ending before it has even begun — but that’s exactly what you should be doing.
Here’s how to approach it:
Don’t wait until the wedding invitations are printed
In fact, don’t wait until you get engaged. Prenups are best discussed while you’re still dating. That way, it won’t come as a surprise topic of discussion later.
The later you bring this subject up, the more likely you’re going to be seen as having second thoughts about the commitment in the first place. That’s one impression you don’t want to give.
In addition, if you wait too long, the prenup might not even be legal. Prenups that are signed under duress (like after everyone’s already flying in for the wedding and your fiance has given up his or her apartment) may be declared invalid.
Look at the positive side of prenups
Prenups can actually be a positive thing. They set everyone’s expectations for what will happen if the marriage falters. A lot of the fighting in a divorce is over the division of property and assets. Having a prenup negates all of those reasons to fight. That can make it easier to stay friends after a divorce. You can both go your own ways quickly and without a lot of expense if it doesn’t work out.
Go into discussions with an open mind
If you present the prenup as something that you will create together — for your benefit and your future spouse’s benefit — you’ll likely get a better reception. Stress that you want to see everything handled in a fair way.
You can even consider a time-limited prenup. Prenups can be written so that the terms change after five, 10 or 15 years of marriage. You just have to determine if that sort of agreement is acceptable to you.
There’s no real way to make conversations about prenuptial agreements entirely easy — but you can make it easier by stressing the idea that a prenup is security for you both. If it is crafted while you’re in love, it will reflect that if things later fall apart.
Source: HuffPost, “How To Bring Up A Prenup Without Sounding Like A Jerk,” Brittany Wong, accessed Feb. 08, 2018
